Camping Without Liquor
by BADAZZtoldya
Summary: Camping can sometimes get on your nerves, and when it DOES, this is usually how it ends for most people... Rated T for ONE bad word. JUST. ONE. And maybe a few in chapter two :/
1. Camping without Tony

**Camping can sometimes get on my nerves, and when it does, this is what happens to me! In other words, I'm in Tony's shoes…**

* * *

"There! We're here!" Clint growled as he shoved Tony out of the car. The entire trip to the campsite, Tony had been complaining and whining about the lack of technology that there would be (or be without).

"Why are we even here?" Tony continued to whine. As the rest of the Avengers stepped out of the large van, Steve took a step up to deliberately punch him on the upper arm, but not hard enough to bruise.

"Team bonding. Did you even listen to Fury?" Tony shrugged.

"Do I ever listen to Fury? And my question was more rhetorical than anything else."

"Then shut up and enjoy the outdoors."

Tony snorted, "Whatevs bitches, I'm off to find something entertaining to do."

"He'll find something to do," Natasha reassured them all as Tony disappeared into the woods. Bruce only rubbed his face tiredly.

"Not to brag," everyone huffed at the statement, "but I know Tony better than all of you. He's going to be bored for hours."

"So, what? We leave him out there?"

"Yes." The group answered in sync. And with that, the Avengers began to set up camp and make dinner. By the time they were done (time being several hours), everyone was in their respected chairs. Natasha sat in the black chair, Clint in the grey one, Steve was getting comfy in his red, white and blue folding chair, Bruce leaned back in his purple and green chair, and then Thor sat on the cooler since the other chairs were too small for him.

"So when is the son of Coul going to arrive?" Thor finally spoke up for the first time since they arrived. Everyone shared expecting glances.

"Don't know," Steve finally said, "said he was going to be going through some tour sites."

"And you know how Coulson is when he travels," Clint added as Steve nodded.

"I'm going to go get some firewood," Bruce sighed after a while of awkward silence. The team let him be since they knew he could Hulk-out if there were to be any danger.

There wasn't much firewood lying around, but Bruce figured a few pines needles could get the fire going pretty well. He almost had an armful when a distinct crack sounded in the woods; somewhere close. He heard what sounded like a few light footsteps. Since Bruce was unable to see his stalker, he set down the needle branches to prepare and defend himself. There wasn't much to see, but when a figure finally stepped into his field of vision, he immediately let his guard drop.

"Tony?"

"Bruce?" Tony's hair was in all directions, clothes torn to pieces, shoes missing (?), and a bandana was tied to his right calf (did he have a bandana when he left?).

"The hell happened to you?" Bruce asked cautiously, careful not to set Tony off like a scared deer.

"There are so many things to do out here!" Tony replied with a hint of craziness in his voice.

"Uh…huh."

"No really! I was having a great time!" he began as Bruce steered him towards the campsite. "You won't _believe _the stuff that happened out there…"

* * *

**BACK AT THE CAMP**

* * *

"And that was the end of the chase from the Bullshnipe!" Thor finished. Everyone was asleep in their chairs. Clint began to stir and looked at the god.

"Story over?" Thor opened his mouth to reply but was stopped at two men erupted from the forest.

"Hey guys!" Tony smiled at the group of people he'd abruptly woken up. Steve blinked a couple of times at him.

"Tony? Where have you been?"

"Camping like a mountain man," Bruce answered for the genius. After listening to Tony's story, he'd figured that he could save some time and shock for the time being.

"You look insane," Natasha commented as she straightened up.

"No alcohol for six hours!" Tony smiled crazily. As Bruce grabbed a bottle of water for Tony, the said man began going through the bear box.

"Tony! Stop making a mess," Steve lectured. So, Tony went over the fire and attempted to catch the floating embers. Steve once again had to yell at him. This went on for an hour with Tony nearly killing himself, and Steve barely saving him.

"Tony, put the axe down!" Steve was ready to go back into mother mode when a heavy duty pickup truck pulled up to the camping spot. Everyone, including Tony, stopped to see who the visitor was.

A man with khaki shorts, a fishing vest and fishing hat stepped out with an eight pack of beer.

"Agent Coulson!" Tony dropped the axe and rushed to meet him. Phil happily handed Tony a beer, who took a gulp, and sat in a chair to relax. Everyone sighed in relief.

Phil saw that everyone had been high strung. "What'd I miss?"

Steve quickly held up a hand. "Son, just don't."

* * *

**And there's that! I was thinking about writing what happened to Tony, but I'm not sure yet. I guess I'll let my reviewers decide...**


	2. Where He Was

**You know what my favorite emails are to get besides ones for reviews? The ones that say (YOUR USERNAME) IS NOW FOLLOWING YOU. You guys are such little creeper ;3 But looks like the majority won for a second chapter, so here it is lovelies! And since I have so many lovely reviewers, I MAKE MORE CHAPTER. Sounds a lot better if you read it in a Russian accent… But here is what the hell Tony was doing during the trip!**

* * *

**Tony took off to find some source of entertainment. It wasn't like there was anything for him to do at the campsite anyways, especially when here weren't any drinks.**

**So eventually, Tony found himself wandering around the middle of the forest in search of an activity.**

**He was one of he smartest (and most attractive) men in the world, he thought to himself, and yet here he stood without a clue as to what he should do.**

**Looking around, he decided that he was going to try and make a bow and a few arrows since he designed most of the arrows for Clint. **

**There was (for god knows what reason) some string in his pocket. Aside from his new weapon, Tony had a pocketknife strapped to his left hip, and an axe to his right. So perhaps it was a good thing that he had so many weapons when an angry mother bear appeared, Tony already had his bow and arrow ready and decided he was going to test it out. **

**He pulled out an arrow and shot with the bow…and then continued to watch it fall to the ground two feet from him.**

** "Right," he muttered and took off in a sprint downhill. There were a few angry roars behind him as he looked back to notice the bear had stopped. He laughed shortly in triumph- just before he tripped over a tree root and flew into a patch of thorns. **

**It had been a few hours by the time Tony was finished digging the thorns out of his skin. There was a large part on his lower right calf that was torn terribly after the thorns had taken the cargo pants off in that area. So, he went back to the thorn pile (it was defiantly not a bush), and pulled out the shredded fabric. He reapplied it to fit his calf as a bandana and set off.**

**When he began to trek through the woods while trying to find camp again, he found himself stumbling forward as his feet seemed to stop working on their own.**

** "The hell…?" Tony noticed that he was still standing…but sideways- and sinking! He looked down to his quickly disappearing feet and noticed he was stuck in quicksand. He darted his eyes around and found a branch right above him. Putting all his strength into his arms, he hauled himself up and out of his shoes. Back on dry land, scratched and shoeless, Tony looked up through the trees and saw the fading sunlight. He continued to wander through the woods hopelessly. **

**In the many hours, he had gotten used to the loud noises of the woods. At first, he would constantly flinch, and sometimes squeak in an un-manly way when something made noise. Now, he would shrug it off or take no notice of it and continue to walk.**

**He stopped and leaned against a tree to rest, though when he turned around, he saw a large and familiar 'X' carved into the side.**

** "Damn it!" Tony kicked the tree and walked off his anger. That was the THIRD time he crossed that tree in **_**hours**_**! He was caught up in thought when he heard a few feet shuffling a couple yards away. He slowed down and stalked towards the sound. Only a few feet away, he stepped noisily on a branch that 'cracked' and he heard the other being stop as well. **

**Tony froze behind the tree and peeked out from behind, and prepared to run from another bear. What he saw was something else entirely and walked out from his cover.**

** "Tony?" the person asked.**

** "Bruce?" he replied with as much confusion, but more so with joy. He watched Bruce take him in cautiously and approached him. He probably looked like hell. His ideas were confirmed when Bruce talked again.**

** "The hell happened to you?"**

** "There so many cool things out there," he thought back to his crossbow.**

** "Uh…huh." Tony noted the doubt in the others voice.**

** "No really! I was having a 'great' time out there." Tony thought out his story as he began to tell Bruce, who was herding him off somewhere.**

** "You won't believe the stuff I did out there…"**

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**You like? You no like? I can't read minds, so lemme know!**


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